मुर्गी

एक मुर्गी को एक कौवे से प्यार हो गया!


जब मुर्गे को पता चला तो वो मुर्गी के पास गया और बोला: मुझमें क्या कमी है?

स्मार्ट हूँ,

कौवे से ज्यादा खूबसूरत हूँ,

तुम्हारी बिरादरी का हूँ?


मुर्गी: मैं तुम्हारे जज्बातों की कद्र करती हूँ लेकिनं वो `एयर फ़ोर्स` में है!

मास्टर और पप्पू

मास्टर ने की पप्पू की धुनाई

पप्पू का गरम हुआ खून

कब्रिस्तान जाकर मास्टर की फोटो टांगी

और लिखा ' कमिंग सून '

संता

बेटा संता : पापा मैं इतना बड़ा कब होऊंगा कि मम्मी से पूछे बिना बाहर जा सकूं?

पापा बंता : (ठंडी सांस लेते हुए) बेटा, इतना बड़ा तो अभी मैं भी नहीं हुआ हूं।

संता

टीचर : एक ऐसा वाक्य बनाओ जिसमें उर्दू, हिंदी, पंजाबी और अंग्रेजी के शब्दों का सही-सही इस्तेमाल हुआ हो।

संता : (तपाक से) इश्क दी गली विच नो एंट्री।

अक्‍ल

बेटा: पापा शादी करके लोग जब परेशान होते हैं तो शादी करते ही क्‍यों हैं,

पिता: बेटा अक्‍ल बादाम खाने से नहीं बल्कि ठोकर खाने से आती है।

B. Tech

मौसी लड़का Engineer है ...
मौसी: हाय राम .. कुछ और नहीं मिला करने को ?
जय :कहाँ ...मौसी B.Tech करने के बाद कोई अच्छी कंपनी लेती कहाँ है ..
मौसी :है है तो क्या B.Tech. भी किया है
जय :हाँ मौसी .. सोचा था B. Tech. करके अच्छी जगह नोकरी मिल जायेगी ..
मौसी :ये B.Tech क्या होता है बेटा ..?
जय : मौसी ये 'बेरोजगार इंजिनियर' बनने के लिए चार साल का कोर्से होता हे जहाँ पढाई के अलावा हर वो काम होता हें जिसके लिए टीचर और घरवाले मना करते हें ..
मौसी: डिग्री तो मिलती होगी न बेटा ?
जय : कहाँ मौसी डिग्री तो बहुत दूर ... रिजल्ट का ही पता नही होता हें
मौसी :पेपर्स तो छपते होंगे ना उसके ?
जय : हाँ मोसी पर University वी तो Engineers की हें ना .
मौसी : हाय राम.. बस यही एक कमी बाकि थी..तो क्या university भी राम भरोसे हें ?
जय : ना मोसी वो तो हर बार फीस टाइम पे लेती हें ... बस बस डिग्री का पता नहीं
मौसी: अछा बेटा लड़का पढाई में केसा हें
जय :बस मोसी पुछो मत हर बार लिस्ट में टॉप मरता हें निचे से..
मौसी :तो क्या अब तक 1 भी बार पास नही हुआ
जय :वो तो है .पर कभी कभी पास भी हो जाता है
मौसी : इसके बाद क्या करेगा ?
जय : अब मौसी एक बार बसंती से शादी हो जाये तो कमाने वी लगेगा ..
मौसी:एक बात की दाद दूंगी बेटा भले लाख बुराई हो तुमारे दोस्त में पर तुम्हारे मुह से तारीफ ही निकलती हें ..
जय :अब क्या करू मोसी मेरा तो दिल ही कुछ ऐसा हें ..में भी तो Engineer ही हु ना..
जय : तो मैं रिश्ता पक्का समझू मौसी
मौसी:बेटा , कान खोल के सुन ले , सगी मौसी हूँ बसंती की,सौतेली माँ नही , चाहे
बसंती चपरासी चंदू से शादी कर ले पर B.Tech वाले के साथ नहीं करेगी

Santa

santa : yaar tu utna udas kyu hai, kal to teri shadi hai.

Banta : yaar ladki walo ne kaha hai ki barat kam lana.

Santa : to tujhe kya?

Banta : abe yaar pata nahi papa mujhe le jayege ki nahi .

A little boy asked his mother, " Why are you crying?" "Because... I'm a woman", she told him. " I don't understand", he said. His mum just hugged him and said, " And you never will"..

Later the little boy asked his father, " Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?" " All women cry for no reason" was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God; when God got on the phone, the man said, " God, why women cry so easily?"

God said, "When I made women she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world; yet, gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times come from her children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt them very badly.

This same sensitivity helps her make a child's boo hoo feel better and shares in their teenagers' anxieties and fears..

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And finally I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed. The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides."

" Every woman is beautiful."

FACEBOOK STATUS

Girls status on Facebook- I M SAD.
comnts:1)haww!kya hua?
2)hey,evrything ok?
3)shud i call
4)hey dont b sad tell m wat happn?
5)evrything gonna b ok baby chill

Boy status on FB- I M SAD.
1)rota hi rhiyo jindgi bhar
2)kya hua kaminey
3)sala dukhi atma
4)zindgi barbad hai teri

har ek boss zaruri hota hai

Chai k Liye jaise Toast hota hai,
Waise har ek BOSS zaruri hota hai!

Koi friday evening review par bulaye,
Koi Saturday ko office bulaye
Ek tere idea ko apna bataye,
Aur Ek tera target har month badhaye,
Koi nature se cool, koi toofani hota hai,
Par har ek boss zaruri hota hai!

Ek ghadi ghadi review karee,
par kabhi kabhi advice de ;
Ek kabhi kabhi review kare,
aur ghadi ghadi advice de;
Koi Gyan ka ghoomta phirta satellite,
Koi din raat rakhe team ko tight;
Koi welcomed hai, koi forced hota hai
Par har ek boss zaruri hota hai

Koi bossy boss,koi friendly boss,
Koi Data crazy excel boss,
Koi Moody boss, koi gloomy boss,
Early morning office aane wala Boss,
Koi late night jaane wala Boss,
Koi promote na kare aur appraisal me tarsaye,
Koi good suggestion ko bhi thukhraye,
Koi best friend aur, koi aloof hota hai,
Par har ek boss Zaruri hota hai !!!

Chai k Liye jaise Toast hota hai,
Waise har ek BOSS zaruri hota hai!

Dost

Result agar accha ho:
Teacher - Hoshiyar bacha hai
Maa - Bhagwan ki kripa hai
Papa - Beta kiska hai
DOST - Chal daaru pite hai

Result agar bura ho:
Teacher - Padai me dhyan hi nahi
Maa - Aag lage is mobile mein
Papa - laad pyar ne bigad diya hai
DOST - Chal daaru pite hai

B'day par :
Maa - Jug jug jiye mera beta
Papa - Hamesha aage bade
DOST - Chal daaru pite hai

Love me fail hone par
Maa - Beta bhul ja usko
Papa - Mard ban
DOST - Chal daaru pite hai

Moral of the story :
Duniya badal jati hai but dost nahi badalte...

Girl & Boy

Chosen

Boy : I love you..
Girl ne boy se pucha - mai bhi I love you kahu to kya karoge??
Boy : Khushi se mar jaunga.
Girl : Jaa..pagle nahi kehti, jee le apni jindgi....

Sun & Wife

What is the Difference between SUN & WIFE??
...................
....................
.........................

aap  dono ki taraf ghoor kar nahi dekh sakte!!!!

Girl & Boy

Define a GIRL : the one who before out for a party, puts on
mascara,
eye shadow,
eye liner,
lipgloss,
glitter,
rough,
blush,
kajal,
Wears the best dress with heals,
accessories,
and still asks:
"OVER TO NAHI LAG RAHA NA"
Reply: "nahi .. sahi hai..."

GIRL: "yaar jaldi jaldi me kuch kiya hi nahi..socha simple hi rehne du"

Define a BOY : the one who before going to party calls his friend and asks: "Bhai, tu nahaa ke aayega kya?"

Reply : "chal saale apni baarat me jana hai kya"

traffic

A bouy romantically to his girlfriend :  I can see the whole world in your eyes.........

A passerby listens n says : ......peera garhi chowk pe kitna traffic hai?

Boy & Girl

Boy : Tum Ladkiya khubsurat kyu hoti ho?
Girl : Kyon ki god ne humko apne hath se banaya hai.
Boy : Bol to iase rahi ho, Jaise ki Humko net se download kiya hai.

Father

Father : Mere 4 bachay hai 3 ne B.Tech kiya hai aur ek chor hai..
Friend : Jo chor hai usko ghar se nikalte kyu nahi ho?
Father : Ek wahi to kamata hai..

pagal

Ek pagal bina jalaye bidi pi raha tha.
dusra pagal : is me se dhuaa kyu nahi nikal raha hai?
pagal : kar di na paglo jaisi baat, ye CNG beedi hai

Shopkeeper & Girl

Girl : Is Jeans ki price kitni hai?
Shopkeeper : Rs. 1000 only.
Girl : uff...!! Aur us jeans ka kya price hai?
Shopkeeper : uska 2 times uff uff...!!

Ant and Elephant

Ant : How old are you?
Elephant : 5 Years.
Ant : But you look big.
Elephant : I am a COMPLAN BOY!!
Ant : I am 30 years old.
Elephant : But you look so small.
Ant : PONDS AGE MIRACLE, BADHTI UMR MANO THAM SI JAYE...

Dilli

भगवान विष्‍णु नरक के पास से यमराज के साथ गुजर रहे थे। देखा भयंकर गर्मी में भी लोग नरक में गहरी नींद में सो रहे हैं।
भगवान: इतनी गर्मी में भी ये लोग कैसे सो रहे हैं?
यमराज: प्रभु ये लोग दिल्‍ली से आए हैं

Mendak

1 Mendak Pandit ke pass gaya aur apna future poocha.

Pandit : Tujhe ek ladki milegi or tera dil le jayegi.!!

Mendak(khushi se) : Wo milegi kaha?

Pandit : BIOLOGY - LAB me........

Small Kid

Romantic Lines of "SMALL KID" after break up


Mai tumhe bhulne ki
bahut koshish
karta hu
Pal
Kya karu


mummy roz BADAM khila deti hai aul tumhali yaad Fil Che aa jati 
hai..!!

santa banta

Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, clean ing home and washing clothes.

Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.

Santa Banta

Santa : Chiken to badiya banahai yaar, but thoda ajib sa taste kyu aa raha hai.
Banta : Banate hue murge ki taang jal gai thi to maine thoda BOROLINE laga diya.

Sardar jokes

Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.

haathi

Agar chahte ho zindgi me kuch karke dikhana.. To meri baat pe gor farmana.. Hathi pe ulta khade hokar photo khichana, Or photo ko ulta kar k duniya ko dikhna

पति पत्नी

पत्नी ने दुकान के आगे लगा बोर्ड पढ़ा।

बनारसी साड़ी 10 रु.

नायलोन साड़ी 8 रु.

कॉटन साड़ी 5 रु.

पत्नी (पति से)- जल्दी से मुझे 500 रु. दो मुझे पचास साड़ी खरीदनी है।

पति- ठीक से पढ़ ये प्रेस की दुकान है।

डॉक्टर

पप्पू की टांग नीली हो गयी।

डॉक्टर (पप्पू से)- जहर है काटनी पड़ेगी।

टांग काटकर नकली लगा दी गयी।

2 दिन बाद नकली टांग भी नीली पड़ गयी।

डॉक्टर- अब बीमारी समझ आयी, जींस रंग छोड़ती है।

Nepali

Nepali : Uuu shaabji ye shyam singh ka mobile kaha milega.
Salesmam : pata nahi
Nepali : Address to isi dukan ka hai.
Salesman : Abey ye shyam singh nahi SAMSUNG hai....

Chor

1 Baar 1 chor ne apni mangetar ko sone ka set dia Mangetar ne khush ho k pucha is set ki keemat kya h? Chor ne jawaab dia....: Teen Saal Qaid...!!!

Movie Fun

ROBERT : America mein WAAR ho gaya boss !!!
AJIT : Us mein kyaa rakhaa hai Bloody Fool !!! India mein roz "WAAR" hota hai. Bolo kaise???
ROBERT : nahin maaloom Boss !!!
AJIT : Arre ulloo !!! SOMWAAR , MANGALWAAR, BUDHWAAR.........

Result

Ladka apna result dekh kar.....

kya????

Main fail ho gaya aur wo bhi English mein?
.
..
...
....

UNPOSSIBLE !!

Teacher & Student

Teacher : Oxygen jeevan ke liye zaroori hai.. yeh 1773 mein pata chala.
Student : Accha hua main 1773 ke baad paida hua nahi to mar jata.

Rules To Get Success

Home Work

Santa Banta ne Hindi ka home work nahi kiya tha. Hindi teacher ne unko ped par ulta latakne ki saza di.
Thodi der latakne ke baad Santa neeche gir gaya.
Hindi Teacher: Thak gaye kya?
Funny Santa: Nahi pakk gaya !

Indian Pickle

Teacher & Student

Teacher : Oxygen jeevan ke liye zaroori hai , ye 1773 mein pata chala.
Student : Achha hua main 1773 ke baad paida hua varna mar jata.

santa banta

Santa : Paaji, yeh log ball se kya kar rahe hain?
Banta : goal kar rahe hain!!!
Santa :”lekin paaji ball toh pehle se gol hain , aur kitni gol
Karenge?”

Sardar & Tourist

One tourist from U.S.A. asked Sardar:
Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

mitti

santa aur banta bas main gaon ja rahe the gaon pahunshkar santa bas se neeche utra aur mitti ko ath main uthya aur bolo banta vakey gaon ki mitti ki kushbo alag hoti hain banta bolo dhyan se dekh mitti nahi tatti hai

Legal Age

Legal age of voting - 18 years
Legal age of marriage - 21 years
.
.
.
.
.
Iska matlab sarkar bhi manti hai ki 18 ki age me aadmi desh samhal sakta hai, BIWI nahi...

Research

After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on the American Male's recreational preferences:

1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling.
3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis.
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf.

Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

Baniya

Baniya ask to Taxi Driver: CP wale gurudware jayega kya?
Taxi Driver: Han jaon ga.
Baniya ne jaib se lunchbox nikala or kaha:
Wapsi main langar ka khana lete aana.

टीचर

टीचर (मिन्नी से), "आज स्कूल मे देर से आने का तुमने क्या बहाना ढूंढा है?"

मिन्नी, "सर आज मै इतनी तेज दौड कर आई कि बहाना सोचने का मौका ही नही मिला।"

Madam & Student

Mdam:- Bachcho kasam khao kabhi shraab,cigret nahi piyonge,Nonveg nahi khaoge.
Student:- nahi karenge madam.
Madam:- kabhi ladki ko nahi chhedoge.
Student:- theek hai madam.
Madam:- jua nahi kheloge.
Student:- ok madam.
Madam:- Desh k liye Jaan bhi de doge.
Student:- De deenge madam, aisi jaan ka karenge bhi kya?

Wedding cards

Santa and Jeeto were preparing wedding cards for their son at the printers.

Jeeto was not very good at English so she asked the printer to help her. After the printer had presented her with a draft, she quickly pointed out that the "RSVP " was missing .

The printer was surprised by Jeeto's knowledge and asked her if she knew what it meant.

Jeeto started to think and after much thought he replied, "Vait! I remember! I remember! RSVP!! It means "Remember, Send Vedding Present!"

Sardar

Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar: India ..
Boss: which part?
Sardar: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India .

Murga and Hero Honda with RJ Naved

Perfect Son

A-I’ve a Perfect Son.

B-Does he Smoke.?
A-No

B-Does he Come Home Late.?
A-No. NO.

B-Wow.! You actually have
a Perfect Son,
How Old is he.?
A- 6 Months old.!

रंगिंग

रंगिंग के  वक्त लडको  ने  १  लड़की  से  कहा ,- ' १  सवाल  का   जवाब  दो   - पटना  कहाँ  पर  है ?
लड़की - ' बिहार  में '
लडके  - यहीं  पट  जाओ  इतने  दूर  जाने  की  क्या  जरुरत  है ....!

Sardaarji

Museum Security : Sardaarji, apne 5000 saal purana vase tod diya.
Sardaarji : Chalo acchha hua, mujhe laga naya hai.

birthday

Teacher : Gandhiji, Gurunanakji aur Mahaveer ji me kya common hai?
Student : Sabke birthday pe humari chutti hoti hai.

Nice name

Sardar

Sardarni : O o ji Bike ki speed itni q badha di?
Sardar : Bike ki break fail ho agi hai, accidentho jaye isse pehle ghar pahuch jate hai...!!

Accountant

A funny accountant visits a museum with a Sardar Ji.

Accountant: This painting is 500 years and 20 days old.

Sardar: Amazing! Where did you get this exact information?

Accountant: I was here 20 days ago. The guide told me that the painting was 500 years old. 

Piano

My parents recently retired. Mom always wanted to learn to play the piano, so dad bought her a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it. "Oh, we returned the piano." said My Dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet instead."

"How come?" I asked. "Because," he answered, "with a clarinet, she can't sing."

child

Teacher ne ek chote bacche se poocha - tumhari mother ka kya naam hai?
Child - abhi naam nahi rakha hai, Pyar se mamma mamma hi kehta hu.

Donkey

Two buddies, Jorge and Ramon, who haven't met in years meet at the Ramon's house. Jorge, who has become rich, wants to brag to his old friend about it and says, "You have a very nice house, my friend, but in my place, if I get on my donkey at dawn in one side of the house, I can't make it to the other side by sundown". Ramon tells him, "Really? I had a donkey who walked so slow, and I sold it".

बहानेबाज

एक बहानेबाज कर्मचारी का दादा उस के दफ़तर में जा कर उस के बाँस से बोला, " इस दफ़तर मे सुनिल नाम का व्यक्ति कार्य करता है, मुझे उस से मिलना है, वह मेरा पोता है।"

बाँस ने मुस्करा कर कहा, " मुझे अफ़सोस है, आप देर से आए है, वह आप के आर्थी को कंधा देने के लिए छुट्टी लेकर जा चुका है।"

Lecturer

Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, "Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.

संता

संता: तुम एक बार में कितने आदमी उठा सकते हो?
पहलवान: कम से कम 16!
संता: धत, तुमसे अच्छा तो मेरा मुर्गा है जो सुबह पूरे मोहल्ले को उठा देता है!

Mariz

Mariz :mere paas paisa nahi hai  aap mera illaaj kar do tho kabhi aapke kaam aa jauogab
doctor: kya kaam karte ho
Mariz: qabar khodta hu

True Love

Boy : dear, look into my eyes, what do u see, tell me quickly.

Girl : true love.

Boy : oye.. true love wali, kachra gaya hai, jaldi phunk maar.

Man & God

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" 
God says: "So you would love her." 
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" 
God says: "So she would love you."

Great Lady

A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. 
She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him. 
The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face." The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"

Husband Wife

Wife:-I will die.
Husband:- I will also die.

Wife:-why will you die?
Husband:- because I can't bear that much happiness