Teacher & Student

Teacher : Oxygen jeevan ke liye zaroori hai.. yeh 1773 mein pata chala.
Student : Accha hua main 1773 ke baad paida hua nahi to mar jata.

चूहा

एक चीता Cigarette का सुट्टा लगाने ही वाला था, एक हाथी अफीम पी रहा था , चूहा बोला,"मेरे भाई छोड़ दो नशा आओ मेरे साथ खुबसूरत जंगल देखो" 2 साथ दौड़ने लगा.आगे शेर whisky पीने की तैयारी कर रहा था , चूहे ने उसे भी वही कहा. शेर ने चूहे को 5- 6 थप्पड़ मारे.हाथी बोला ," अरे ये तो तुम्हे ज़िन्दगी की तरफ ले जा रहा है , क्यों मार रहे हो इस बेचारे को ?" शेर बोला," यह कमीना पिछली बार भी Bhang पी कर मुझे 3 घंटे जंगल मै घुमाता रहा "

A AND B

A: I'm in a big trouble!
B: Why is that?
A: I saw a mouse in my house!
B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
A: I don't have one.
B: Well then, buy one.
A: Can't afford one.
B: I can give you mine if you want.
A: That sounds good.
B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
A: I don't have any cheese.
B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
A: I don't have oil.
B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
A: I don't have bread.
B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house?!

मरीज डॉक्टर

मरीज (डॉक्टर से)- डॉक्टर साहब क्या आप मेरी बीमारी का पता लगा सकते हैं।
डॉक्टर (गुस्से से)- हां तुम्हारी आंखें बहुत कमजोर हैं।
मरीज- आपको कैसे पता चला?
डॉक्टर- तुमने बाहर बोर्ड पर नही पढ़ा कि मैं जानवरों का डॉक्टर हूं।

Sardar ji in cyber cafe

Once sardarji entered a cybercafe to check his mails.It was crowded so he had to wait.As he waited he saw a man checking his mails.He stood behind him and watched.The man typed his password and was waiting when sardarji cried out "Yes yes I know your password.I can read your mails now.
"Surprised the man asked "Oh yeah, tell me what is it".
Sardarji replied " Five stars."

Kid and mother

Ek 10 saal ka bachha bahot dhyan se ek book pad raha tha, jiska title tha: “Kids ka paalan poshan kaise kare”.

Mother: Tum yeh book kyon pad rahe ho.

Kid: Main yeh dekhna chahta hoon ke mera paalan poshan theek tara se ho raha hai ya nahi.

Laloo Stamp

When Laloo completed 25 years of his rule over

Bihar, he wanted a special postage stamp with his picture on it. He asked Rabri, stressing that it should be world class. The stamps were released, and

Lalloo was pleased.

But within a couple of days, he began hearing

complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and became furious. He called Rabri and ordered her to investigate the matter. Rabri checked out at

several post offices, and then reported to Lalloo Prasad: She said: "The stamp is really world class. The problem is, our Biharis are spitting on the wrong side."

Sunil Gavaskar & Ravi Shastri

australia playing india at wankhede

gavasker enters the stadium

ravi and kapil greet sunny

hi sunny whats up ?

match goes on after a hour or so ravi turns to see sunny still standing so ravi hey why are u standing sunny what to do dude look there it says sunil gavasker stand

hockey and cricket

Q: what is the difference between hockey and circket?
Ans: hockey main team 1.5 hours main zaleel hoti hai
aur circket main 8 ghante main

sharaabi and his wife

A sharaabi knocks the door of his house.
His wife opens door.
Sharaabi asks: who r u?
Wife: "How dare u forget your wife?"
Sharaabi: nasha har gham ko bula deta hai

Disk full

Santa and Banta work in a software company. One day, they were to move their m/cs to another building. Banta was having a tough time carrying his machine.
Santa : "My m/c has 500 MB disk. See how easily I am carrying it. Yours has just 250 MB. Can't you carry even this much?"
Banta : "But yours is empty and my disk is full"!!!

Hutch Dealer

A lady delivered twins. Suprisingly one is a boy and another is a dog

how it is possible?

Because her husband is HUTCH DEALER ...... wherever u go out network follows.

kabhi khushi kabhi gham

osama bin laden asked shahrukh khan hows life

shahrukh said khabi khushi khabi gham

then shahrukh asked osama bin laden hows life and he said kabhi

goli khabi

bomb

Alphabets

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the
computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

Three professors

Three professors had walked down to the train station from the University. They were so absorbed in their conversation that they didn't hear the train arrive, but they did notice the noise of the train as it started to depart.

After a desperate rush two of them manage to scramble onboard. The third looked sad and a passing railway official said, 'Don't feel bad, atleast two out of three of you made it.'

'True...', sighed the professor, 'But the other two were only here to see me off!'

Santa Banta

Santa and Banta were looking at a catalog and admiring the models.

Santa says to the Banta, "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?"

Banta replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!"

Santa says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one."

Banta smiles and pats him on the back, "Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too."

Three weeks later, Banta asks Santa, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the catalog?"

Santa replies, "No, but it shouldn't be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"

Math Teacher

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.

She called on him and said, 'Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?'

Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!'

Daddy and kids

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.

'Who is the most obedient?' he asked. 'Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?'

Five small voices answered in unison. 'Okay, daddy, you get the toy.'