Wafadar Pati

jo pati wafadar hote hai wo mar kar sidhe swarg me jate hai aur jo wafadar nahi hote unke liye to dharti hi swarg ban jati hai...

Haryana men

2 Haryanvi men were searching for their lost wife in a festival at Hissar city.

First Haryanvi:  How does your wife look like?

Second Haryanvi: She is 5'7", 36-24-36 sexy figure, fair, sweet, beautiful, green sexy eyes, brown hair... And yours?

First Haryanvi: Forget mine, let us look for yours...

donkey

ek admi bus me bola : Lagta hai bus me janvar bhare hai.
doosra admin : Haan sabhi tarah ke janvar hai; sirf ek gadhe ki kami thi.

Teacher & Student

Teacher : Give example of active and passive voice.
Student : Active-TERE MAST MAST DO NAIN MERE DIL KA LE GAYE CHAIN.
Passive-MERE DIL KA LE GAYE CHAIN TERE MAST MAST DO NAIN. :)

Baniya

Baniya ask to Taxi Driver: CP wale gurudware jayega kya?
Taxi Driver: Han jaon ga.
Baniya ne jaib se lunchbox nikala or kaha:
Wapsi main langar ka khana lete aana.

chiti aur hathi

Chiti ne hathi ke kaan me kuch kaha to hathi behosh ho gaya.
actually chiti boli : Main tumhare bacchhe ki maa banne wali hu.

Police

Police : Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phansi di jayegi.
Suresh : ha ha ha.
Police : kyu hass rahe ho?
Suresh : Mai to subah 8 baje tak sota hu.

Santa Banta

Santa was weeping at a grave, "Why did you die? Your death ruined my life."

Banta: For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent? Wife? or Girlfriend ?

Santa: My wife’s first husband.

Essay on Dog

Teacher to Student: Kid, your essay on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy from him?

Student: No, teacher, it's about the same dog.

Electricity bill

Ek chota baccha doosre bacche se agar agar din me suraj nahi nikla toh kya hoga.
Doosra baccha: Electricity bill bad jayega

Boy & Girl

Boy:Main tumse shaadi nahi kar sakta, gharwale mana kar rahe hai.
Girl:Ghar me kaun kaun hai?
Boy:Ek biwi aur 3 bachhe.

Pappu

Teacher:Mamooli word ko sentence mein istemaal karo. Pappu ne socha... socha... socha...aur bola:Meri maa mooli ke parathe bahut khati hai.

Dog & Cat

A dog thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house, and take good care of me... They must be gods!

A cat thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house and take good care of me...
I must be a god!

पुलिस

पुलिस (राकेश से)- खबर है कि आपके घर में विस्फोटक सामग्री है।
राकेश - सर खबर तो एक दम पक्की है पर वो अभी मायके गयी हुई है।:)

सपना

पति- जान, मैंने रात एक बहुत प्यारा सपना देखा। मैंने देखा कि तुम मेरे लिए मेरा पसंदीदा खाना बनाकर लाई हो और मुझे अपने हाथों से खिला रही हो। इतना ही नहीं, खाना खिलाने के बाद मेरे पैर भी दबा रही हो।
पत्नी- अब तो मुझे पक्का यकीन हो गया।
पति- क्या?
पत्नी- कि सपना कभी अपना नहीं होता।

Chemistry Class

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.

“Now, class. Observe closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
“Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?” the professor asked.
Shyam, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, “Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms.” :)

Baniya

Baniya on his death time.
My wife, where r u ?
Wife:Yes, I’m here
My sons daughters ru all here?
Yes, Papa
Baniya:To phir brabar wale kamre
ka pankha Q khula hay ???

Wish For Groom

Raghupati raghav raja ram aisa var dena Bhagwan,

subah ko uthke jo chai banaye,

chai banakar mujhe uthaye

phir kahe ise peeo meri jaan…

isa var dena Bhagwan !

Dopahr ko jab wo break mein aaye,

aake jaldi se lunch banaye,

phir kahe ise chakho meri jaan…

isa war dena Bhagwan !

Sham ko jab wo office se aaye,

sare din ki kamaai pakdaaye,

phir kahe ise udao meri jaan…

isa war dena Bhagwan !

Biwi

Aik admi apni biwi ko dafna kay ghar ja raha tha kay achanak bijli chamki,
badal garje, jor se baarish shuru hui dukhi aadmi bola: Lagta hai pahunch gai

Tommy Hilfiger Mens Cambridge Trifold Wallet, Black, One Size 

Wife Husband

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the
other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of
the mouth.

Baba ji

Baba Ji ka dera bohot chamatkari hai. Sach mano vaha jo bhi koi buri niyat se jata hai, jalke bhasam ho jata hai.

Salman vaha gaya to bhasam ho gaya, Hrithik bhi bhasam ho gaya. Malika vaha gayi to…

….to anarth ho gaya….

Babaji jalke bhasam ho gaye!!!

Types of Woman

HARD-DISK woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
INTERNET woman:
Difficult to access.
SERVER woman:
Always busy when you need her.
CD-ROM woman:
She is always faster and faster.
EMAIL woman:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

VIRUS woman:
Also called “wife”; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don’t you will lose everything!!

गोल

शाम :- (फुटबाल के मैदानपर राम से ) - अरे ये लोग बार बार  ball  को क्यों मार रहे है ?

राम :- '' अरे वे लोग गोल कर रहे है ''
शाम : '' अरे ball  तो पहलेसे गोल है , और कितना गोल करेंगे ...............?

ससुराल

पिता (पुत्र से)- बेटा अगर ससुराल वाले स्कूटर दें तो कार मांगना, दुकान दें तो घर मांगना, कूलर दें तो एसी मांगना।
बेटा (पिता से)- अगर वो लड़की दें तो क्या उसकी मां को मांगू।

money in kitty

What happened when the cat swallowed a coin?
There was money in the kitty.

संता

संता ने कॉल लगाई तो आवाज़ आई, `इस कॉल के लिये आपका बैलेंस पर्याप्त नहीं है!`
संता: कोई बात नहीं मेरी जान! तुमसे बात हो जाती है बस इतना ही काफी है!

yoga

My sweet girlfriend had habit of biting her fingernails. She started doing YOGA to treat the problem. Soon her finger-nails started growing normally.

Seeing this, I asked if yoga had totally cured her problem.

"No," she replied with a funny sweet smile, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead."

Santa & Priest

Santa asks Priest: Why did god make women so beautiful?

Priest: So that you will love them.

Santa thinks for a short time...

Santa: But why did God make them so dumb?

Priest: So that they will love you

Great Indians

Indian Prime Minister: We are sending Indians to the moon next year!

US President: Wow! How many?

Indian Prime Minister: 7 OBC, 5 SC, 8 ST, 3 Handicapped, 2 Sports Persons, 3 Terrorist Affected, 3 Kashmiri Migrants, 2 MPs & 1 Astronaut.

Always Keep Smiling: bade ho kar kya banoge

Always Keep Smiling: bade ho kar kya banoge

डॉक्टर मरीज

डॉक्टर (मरीज से)- अब तुम बिल्कुल ठीक हो गये हो फिर भी क्यों डर रहे हो?

मरीज (डॉक्टर से)- जिस गाड़ी से मेरा एक्सीडेंट हुआ था उस पर लिखा था फिर मिलेंगे।

bade ho kar kya banoge

Teacher: Bade ho kar tum kya karoge?
Student: Ji shaadi.

Teacher: Mera matalab, kya banoge?
Student: Ji dulha.

Teacher: Are, mera matlab hai, kya hasil karoge?
Student: Ji DULHAN.

Biwi & Shohar

Biwi: “Aap ne pichle saal meri birthday pe mujhe lohay ka bed banwa ke diya tha, Iss dafa aapka kya iraada hai?”

Shohar: “Iss saal uss mein current chodne ka iraada hai.”

from many resources